Instead of No what can we replace it with and not influence fear or control

These verbal social guidelines are influential, strong and effective. They have the ability to teach children without using power or control over them.


Principle 2: Respectful Information
Commands like the word "no" are harsh and build resistance in children. It is easier for children to hear how to do something correctly rather than to hear what they are doing wrong. More often than not, when given respectful information, children comply with social guidelines rather than resist them. Our language helps to mold a child's thoughts. "No" is a negative word and implies wrongdoing. It is also used to deny, refuse, or disagree. "No" is not meant to be flexible or compromising. You may have heard a popular saying, "What part of 'no' don't you understand?" This kind of language molds controlling and negative thoughts, which can be damaging to children. Every time you want to say no to a child, ask yourself what is not okay about the behavior

http://fatherhood.about.com/od/effectivediscipline/a/nonotforkids_2.htm?terms=child+abuse+power+point+presentation